I am a very calm and rational person in my day to day life. My Mr has made comments through out the years about how I'm not a drama queen or overly emotional like some women (I'm not sure who he's comparing me to but I digress). My job is also a very a highly stressful position, or so people say, as I juggle a lot of responsibilities and have a boss that tends to get moody. Yet I have been told over and over how calm I am by coworkers, employers and associates.
What's my point, you might be asking yourself right now? My point is that although I rarely outwardly exhibit stress through meltdowns (not that it hasn't happened though), the stress and worry still builds up inside me and has to be released somehow.
A lot of times I don't even realise that it is getting bad until its too late. And by too late I mean I get nightmares.
But these aren't the scary monster filled nightmares of my childhood. These are anxiety ridden and panic attack filled dreams where all of my worries come true. I want to cry in my dreams and I can't. I wake with a heavy chest and can't fall back asleep, even if its 3am in the morning. So I just lay there in bed worrying more.
These dreams use to pop up just before a big trip and feature me forgetting my passport or missing my flight. But now our wedding is taking front stage and let me tell you, it sucks! Just before I started working on my save the dates in December I experienced an entire week of these anxiety inducing nightmares.
They almost always end up with the wedding happening but I'm only have a few things organized and its a huge mess. The invitations don't go out. The dress is ruined. The replacement dress is ruined. The groomsmen and my Mr aren't where they are suppose to be. And EVERYONE expects me to fix it.
The wide awake and rational me understands that this isn't what will happen and that if something does go wrong it won't be the end of the world but when ever I'm falling a little behind on my planning or I hit a snag, I'm greeted with these dreams when I fall asleep.
I think the worst part for me is the anxiety it leave me after I wake up and it takes me a few hours to shake. Some days I daydream of cancelling the wedding and eloping so I don't have to deal with them anymore but knowing me I'd start having nightmares of dealing with disappointed family members.
I can't be the only one that feels like this...can I? How do you experience the inevitable stress that comes with planning a wedding? And how do you handle it.
Completely Unrelated to Weddings Side Note: Hyperbole and a Half is the best online comic/humor blog I've read in a long time. Completely addicted...I serious recommend reading it. I've laughed so hard I was crying at my desk a few times!